BREXIPUTIA – Mapmakers report today that an entirely new land mass has been discovered off the coast of continental Europe that is just jammed full of people who who have no fucking idea what they’re doing.
“This is because they’re led by complete incompetents,” head explorer at Parochial Geographic, Professor Dominic Raabit told LCD Views.
But a cursory glance at the satellite imagery that led to the fascinating discovery reveals the land mass is very close to continental Europe. It’s a little puzzling why no one has stumbled across it before.
“Oh, they’ve been numerous reports over the years of a sensible, well governed, mature representative democracy existing as a collection of islands off the coast of France and the Netherlands for years. People have even claimed to have been there. People have turned up in France and Spain claiming to have come from there. But over the last three years the reports of a such a place have dried up. We decided to do a satellite survey to clear it up once and for all.”
The professor added that this has actually been tried several times since mid-2016, but there’s usually a murky fog over the area at the time and satellite imaging has proved difficult.
“We got lucky. A window opened for a few moments and we got the photographs. We decided next to see if we could detect any radio broadcasts. And we did.”
And what did you discover from listening to the broadcasts?
“Well, just a casserole of nonsense. The majority of the current leaders appear to be political pygmies, although some with larger frames are hanging about, ineffectively urging everyone to not do some extremely stupid thing that the leaders are set upon.”
What’s the stupid thing?
“They want to rename the country Brexiputia and set fire to it on the 31st of October this year.”
That sounds a bit silly.
“It’s more than that. It’s clear none of the leaders have a fucking idea what they’re doing. That much is obvious. But they’re all too proud to admit that things may have gotten out of hand.”