A man, whose popularity is such that he was once beaten in a parliamentary election by a chap in a dolphin suit, is lecturing on popularity. The chain-smoking, hard-drinking man is having a pop at Prince Harry for showing a bit of adult responsibility.
“This is an outrage!” coughed Nigel Farage (for the man is indeed he). “The second son of a monarch should be busy drinking, bonking and making a fool of himself, not getting married and settling down! What sort of an example does he think he is setting?”
What indeed? Farage is always one to wear his prejudices on his sleeve. LCD Views’ Off Message correspondent took him to task.
You yourself are hardly the man to offer advice on popularity, our correspondent noted. A man in a ridiculous costume once polled more votes than you in an election, and once The People have spoken, that’s an end to it.
“Nonsense, my dear fellow!” hacked Farage. “That was years ago, and a one-off. It doesn’t mean anything!”
Like the referendum result then?
“Not at all!” he wheezed. “It’s different! Don’t ask me how, but it is!”
We think you are upset because Prince Harry is everything you aren’t. Royal. Widely admired. Ginger.
“What a load of cobblers!” gasped Farage. “Look at me – my popularity has never been higher! Drinking and smoking and acting like a complete dick has always worked for me. Harry should take a leaf out of my book.”
It’s because Meghan is mixed race, isn’t it?
“Nothing to do with it!” choked Farage. “I’m not racist, but Harry should have married a proper people’s princess, like his dear mother was, God bless her soul. Blonde, blue-eyed, pretty and posh, not American and mixed race. Even if she is pretty damn foxy!”
Prince Harry’s popularity has, according to Farage, ‘fallen off a cliff’. The unpopular populist is pushing hard to do the same to the United Kingdom’s popularity.