A SENSE OF NATIONAL PRIDE : Boris Johnson’s team are tight lipped ahead of his planned meeting with democratically elected French President Macron, but nonetheless LCD Views has obtained an imagined leak from his office.
“He’s going to make a lot of jokes about the shape of baguettes and how firm they should be,” the leak reveals, “he’ll also ask Macron to translate for him ‘fit, young filly’ into French. This will be a subtle insult to show who is dominant.”
But the insults calculated to prove Boris is the alpha male wont stop there. Afterwards Boris will ask Macron what he made of the “cheese eating surrender monkeys” joke, before moving onto deeper Anglo-French history.
“Napoleon is clearly a sore point for the French. As the English beat him twice. There may have been a few other nations involved, a rudimentary EU army of sorts, but if we were there it really was all our work, with some hangers on.”
To thrust the point in Mr Johnson is expected to mention the Battle of Waterloo.
“But only once. That’s all we calculate we can get away with.”
How the French contingent will respond isn’t clear. But it is obvious the display of powerful British rhetoric will have them on the back feet, where they belong when faced with an Englishman.
Our French team have given the matter some consideration and have this calculated guess at President Macron’s response to Mr Johnson’s hugging and puffing.
“He’ll simply say no to whatever the chancer suggests,” our team reckons, “just he’ll do it in English and French consecutively. This will be just like what happened yesterday with Merkel. Which is good practice. After Brexit English prime ministers will need to be well adjusted to hearing foreign leaders constantly saying no to their requests and then telling them what to do.”
If this doesn’t deal with Mr Johnson the French are expected to fire a cow at him from from a catapult, or trebuchet.