FIVE FINGER MINISTERIAL SHUFFLE – While lesser publications are content to attempt to doorstep and pavement bother hypocritical MPs in real/reel life, LCD Views goes one step further and imagines their words for them in a flurry of frustration and barely repressed fury.
Little Matty Hancock seems quite a prize in the hypocrisy stakes. Just a few weeks back he was invoking the war dead as his reason for not supporting prorogation.
“But here I am!” imaginary Matt says, “a cabinet minister in a government that’s just prorogued parliament in a desperate attempt to avoid scrutiny. That’s what I call taking back control. One day we’ll have an app for that too! I wonder what the war dead would say about me now? If they hadn’t given their lives for democracy.”
Well, what did we expect from a man with cock in his surname, and we’re not talking roosters.
Amber Ruddy Rudd is another who found herself in the enviable position of ‘if you don’t like these principles (Mr Johnson) I have others.”
But she’s not even talking to our imagination, so deep now is the void. Let’s just leave her in her triple digit majority and wonder what the next GE will say.
TheSaj! Well, he’s not going to let anyone close his Parliament. He doesn’t invoke his humble parentage and the faith he holds in democracy just to watch the whole show get mothballed.
“I do actually. It’s given me control of the treasury. And I’m writing cheques my complete abandonment of previously stated principles can’t cash. That economic rationalism applied to morality.”
It’s a rubber cheque. Make no bones about it.
Morgan and Gove, those old hands, they’ve found themselves in the amazing place of also ditching a distaste for prorogation if it means a promotion.
“Well, it’s only sideways for me. But it keeps me holding one greasy lever of power and that’s enough for me. This is a perfectly normal suspension of parliament because we can’t handle what it will do if we let it sit. What would you do?”
Indeed. When it comes to defending our ancient and precious representative parliamentary democracy the only question appears to be,
Ask not what you can do for your country, but what you’d do for a ministerial car? Go full prorogue it seems, for this handful of rogues.