Curshillian : Johnson to give major speech on defending parliamentary sovereignty the day parliament is closed

GRAB THAT PARLIAMENTARY TIGER BY ITS TALE : Temporary Prime Minister of the United Kingdom and Northern Ireland, Boris Johnson, is expected to be preparing a major speech to give to parliament.

“It’s important to get it just right (wing),” a Downing Street source told LCD Views, “it’s about the importance of returning sovereignty to parliament.”

To the “mother of parliaments” no less.

“And in order for maximum impact it’s vital that parliament be closed when he’s addressing it concerning parliamentary sovereignty.”

The need for an empty chamber is obvious.

“It’s about taking back control of parliament and the associated representative democracy. For centuries inherited wealth has watched the rabble claw away at their god given birthright (wing). Thanks to Brexit this process is now in reverse. It’s pretty hilarious so many plebs voted for it. It just proves they’re not fit to rule themselves. This is why they are now being ruled by Boris Johnson (and friends).”

The speech itself, expected to be “barnstorming” (the barn will be empty at the time) will be broadcast only on analogue radio.

“Boris wants it to feel properly Churchillian. He’s going to get on a proper drunk before he gives it.”

And who is helping write the speech?

“Dominic Cummings is helping write the speech. Actually he is writing all the speech. You don’t spend millions data mining the people not to come up with a catalogue of emotive slogans and not use them in a major speech. That would just be silly.”

But won’t it seem a tad hypocritical to claim to be defending democracy and parliament’s sovereignty, when he’s gone and closed parliament?

“I don’t think anyone will worry about that. I suggest you focus on the ‘take back control’ slogan. It will never get old.”

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