SEND IN THE CLOWN : Troubling news from 10 Downing Street today after a leak to the press revealed the PM is having trouble sleeping, with anyone. Which is a worry if you’re trying to screw an entire continent.
“He has electile dysfunction,” a source inside the increasingly deep bunker reveals, “which just adds to all the other dysfunctions, which are now patently obvious for all to see.”
Apparently Mr Johnson is allegedly rumoured to have reportedly been pacing the famous halls of the dwelling muttering how “it’s all a bloody nightmare. It’s Elm Street. I’m living on [beeeep] Elm Street. What did I ever do to deserve this?”
But while it may have come as a shock to Johnson, his girlfriend, probably not to his ex-wives, or the child whose mother had to take him to court to acknowledge parentage, but to his close team that he’s completely fffing useless, it’s not to everyone.
“It’s quite good right now,” an avid remainer told LCD Views, “it’s like Boris and the other charlatans have crossed some magic line. As if when they were cutting their deal with the Devil to deliver Brexit, there was one condition attached.”
“You can have Brexit but Boris Johnson can never be PM. He’s already cashed in with me for status too much as it is.”
And Boris broke the condition?
“When you’ve been getting away with the same con for so long it doesn’t occur the rinse and repeat will sooner or later not deliver. We’re there now. Now it’s just atoms and dust for Boris and his dreams.”
But it’s fair to say, the longer Mr Johnson lives his political nightmare, the more dreams come true for others.