Brother Does The Splits! Jo Johnson quits government (again) to spend less time with his family (again)

ALL BY MYSELF : In a totally unforeseeable turn of events prime minister Boris Johnson’s brother has quit the government (again) and taken steps to distance himself from the loser of the family.

“I want to focus on spending less time with my family, again, especially my bloody brother,” Jo Johnson told a packed press gallery today, “I am stepping down from whatever ministry it was I stepped up to a few weeks back, when Dad and Boris got me on a three way conference call and threatened to shave my head when I was asleep.”

But leaving government isn’t the only step Jo is taken to put some water between himself and his politically flailing sibling.

“Furthermore, I want it known that I have instructed my solicitors to change my name by dead poll to ‘Jo Go’, as that way, hopefully, no one will associate me with the burning ball of crap currently crashing to earth with terminal velocity.”

It’s not thought yet how Boris Johnson will take the departure of his sibling, as it’s surely another nail in his political coffin.

But a source inside Downing Street was relaxed about the resignation, saying,

“It’s saves Dom the effort of chugging down a bottle of Bollie and going over there to tell him to f off in person,” the source shrugged, “and besides, there’s still forty seven Johnson siblings currently serving as Conservative MPs, until the next purge, so Boris can just appoint the next blonde cab off the rank to whatever it was he bullied Jo into doing a few weeks back.”

Downing Street maybe taking the loss in their stumble, but it’s surely another sign that the end is nigh for a bungling administration that only yesterday took office.

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