Schadenfreude now biggest UK import from EU

TELL ME ABOUT YOUR MOTHER (OF PARLIAMENTS) : LATEST UK – EU TRADE figures reveal a sudden BOOM in German exports to UK as political crisis engulfs the current administration drunkenly fumbling its way to disaster at 10 Downing Street.

Key political analysts in the UK were predicting a surge in import of the famous German commodity upon the taking of office of proper Brexiters.

“It was clear from the start that Boris Johnson was replaying Theresa May’s premiership, as a general principle, just with the accelerator of doom pressed hard to the metal,” our Chief Political Commentator comments, “but even we couldn’t have foreseen the speed with which the car would crash this time.”

German government sources were tightlipped over the dramatic imbalance in trade between themselves and the UK.

“That’s because if they open their mouths they’ll burst out laughing,” our commentator continues, “to see the downfall of Johnson occur so rapidly, well, it’s just an avalanche of schadenfreude. The factories in the German industrial heartlands are having trouble matching supply with demand.”

But it’s not all bad news for the government.

“Home made UK schadenfreude is also on the rise, although it can’t be called that due to the tyrannical, Eurocratic, technocratic meddling that protects the differing regions distinctive produce.”

The major producer of schadenfreude in the UK is currently in Scotland, where Nicola Sturgeon is personally said to be making enough of the stuff herself, as she watches English politics, that it’s likely to pay for her proposed border wall with England just with the VAT receipts.

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