Boris Johnson’s application to join Libdems turned down

BACK TO THE FALLING BOARD : Fresh blows for beleaguered prime minister Boris Johnson keep reigning down and it’s revealed today his application to join the Libdems has been turned down.

“It was Dominic’s latest master plan,” a Downing Street source told LCD Views, “as soon as Amber Rudd announced her resignation from the cabinet, and the party, he knew his master plan to dominate the Sunday morning news cycle was toast.”

It’s believed the genius behind the lies on the bus wasn’t about to be waylaid from rebranding Boris, relaunching and recouping the coup.

“Just because Amber Rudd suddenly realised the only women in Johnson PR photos were barefoot, pregnant and in a kitchen. And thus her probable future in the post Brexit government would only be tasering women who wouldn’t allow themselves to be handmaidens for Farages. She re-found her famous principles in the lost and found, where she always looks for them, and got out of town.”

But this left Dominic curious, not because she was going, but because the established narrative of being a master of plans was once again torpedoed.

“But he’s not taking this lying down. He’s certainly taking it lying, that’s par for course. Boris was desperate though. How to get back ahead of the game?”

The answer was obvious.

“Given that the majority of Tory MPs will soon be Libdems, along with a sizeable wedge of Labour, if Labour don’t actually abandon Brexit as policy and go full Revoke and remain, it’s clear that the Libdems were going to need to win over the prime minister. They needed Boris.”

So Cummings applies for him?

“Yep, forged his signature and all. But it doesn’t appear to have worked. They don’t want him. But it’s not all lost. Nigel has offered him a discount if he wants to become a supporter of his limited Brexit conspiracy, I mean company. He’ll get a coffee mug and all.”

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