Pro-Brexit MPs insist next general election be advisory

IS IT SECRET IS IT SAFE : Those crafty devils who masterminded the 2016 IN/OUT referendum are way ahead of the pack again, it seems, after a move by the BORG (cross party parliament grouping of Pro-Brexit MPs) to ensure that the next general election is only advisory.

“What’s your favourite song?” leading Borg member. Mr Nostalgia (Tory MP for Fantasy), asked us, “mine is the lyrics of wrecking ball to the tune of Rule Britannia.”

The move to ensure that the general election, which all know is just around the corner, even if we aren’t sure which corner, is only advisory is clever.

“It will allow all the same genius dark arts that achieved an overwhelming mandate in the 2016 advisory referendum. You know, dodgy funding sources obscured by use of tax havens.”

Micro-targeting of voters on social media?

“Crucial. It’s the digital equivalent of standing outside a polling booth and dragging voters in to demand they tick the box next to your candidate. I hope no one makes it illegal. Not that rule of law matters overly much anymore.”

But if you’re confident of victory why push to change the general election to advisory, rather than binding?

“Well, what if we win a binding vote, but the courts subsequently are shown evidence of massive breaches of electoral laws?”

If the vote is binding it will carry safeguards which compel the courts to quash the result and order the vote re-run?

“Precisely. Only a novice politician fronting for offshore billionaires would fall for that! So it has to be an advisory result, we will sneak over the line with electoral breaches, make the result binding politically and propagandise the hell out of the voting public till no one knows which way is up or down. We call it giving them the Raab’s.”

But what if you win? Won’t it being advisory be a problem?

“No. Then the result is of course binding. Any fool knows that, because that’s what we’ll tell them day and night. We call making votes advisory to get away with crime politically our democratic backstop. We win either way. But only if the vote can’t legally be made to go away.”

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