Priti Patel confirms no danger of her resigning from government on principle

BORROWED TIME BORIS BOOSTED : The flailing administration temporarily installed in 10 Downing Street has received a much needed kick in the pants today with the assurance that one minister will remain loyal.

“Priti Patel is expected to release a statement shortly reassuring Prime Minister Short Cummings that she will not be resigning from the government in principle,” a fictional Downing Street source made up for our amusement, “you may remember Priti Patel? She had to resign from May’s government as International Degeneration Secretary when it was discovered she was running her own foreign policy?”

Home Secretary Ms Patel also recently made headlines, and made us all proud on Blightly, when she suggested we could deal with the Irish backstop problem with food shortages. She clearly took her inspiration from a classic of colonial era policy.

But mercifully for Mr Johnson, Ms Patel, is not the only Conservative MP expected to stay in the ditches and fight with Mr Johnson.

“Irritable Duncan Syndrome is also expected to pledge his undying support for the hard Brexit government,” the source continued to fabricate, “which given he is encouraging Mr Johnson to martyr himself for Brexit is nice. You know what they say about rule of law, it’s for poor people, it’s not for the government.”

LCD Views would like to commend Mr Johnson for his work thus far since being crowned Prime Minister. He, and his colleagues, are living down to our expectations, but doing so with a frenzy and self-destructive efficiency that we didn’t foresee.

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