Tory Party survey reveals they wish “we’d made Grayling PM as it’d be a lesser disaster than f*@king Johnson”

TERMINAL VELOCITY : A snap survey of Conservative and Unionist Party membership today as revealed a not altogether surprising result regarding the recent leadership contest.

In polling commissioned by a major media player, NoGov pollsters asked all five remaining Conservative Party members what their opinion now was of Boris Johnson as prime minister?

“Four out of the five remaining Conservative Party members signalled buyer’s remorse over the coronation of ShortCummings’ hand puppet, Mr Alexander Bojo dePwiffle Johnson, and expressed a desire to re-run the contest and get a different result.”

The different result appears to be Chris Grayling, aka Failing Grayling, once a front page stalwart of government, and now virtually invisible. Although he could be still trying to be centre stage, but just not doing a good job of it.

The reasons for the change of heart appear to be the failure of Mr Johnson to live up to his reputation of being an all round entertainer, as well as a bully who can just get Brexit done by his sheer volume of self-belief.

“Now that everything is clearly an even completer disaster under Johnson than it was under May, the members wished they’d gone for Grayling as at least then there would not be any surprise. He’d still screw everything up and waste monumental amounts of taxpayer’s money. But that would be expected, so it would be easier to rationalise.”

Responding to the survey a Downing Street source said the four dissenting members would be identified as purged from the party immediately, leaving it with the sole member being Mr Johnson himself. He will then go on and attempt to govern alone, which is how he wants it anyway.

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