10 Downing Street confident of “not losing any votes in the Commons now for at least five weeks”

READ IT AND WEEP : The government is feeling free to do what it likes today after the successful closing of the House of Commons and the Lords, having pulled a Pro-ROGUE move on parliament to buy themselves five weeks.

“We’re winning now,” Frederick Fossil, Tory MP for Somewhere, told LCD Views, “now that the game is suspended. I knew as soon as that short Cummings chap phoned me up yesterday to order me to give a speech about the will of the people just before midnight that I was winning too. He’s promised me a job in DExEU. I’m not sure when it starts. It was a bit of a relief between you and me, I expected to be blackmailed into giving a speech instead.”

And the prorogation of parliament comes at just the right time for the Johnson administration.

“We’ve only had a few days of parliament and between you and me, we’ve had our asses handed to us. No one saw it coming! We’re led by strategic geniuses. Imagine being behind the Leave campaigns, under scrutiny by police, in contempt of parliament, but finding yourself running it? That is a mastermind at work. Safe as houses. Well, not the democratic houses.”

But critics of the extraordinary length of the prorogation has suggested that the Cumming’s government hasn’t gone far enough.

“They should have made the length of time arbitrary. Like back in Charles 1st’s time. Call the duffers back when you feel like, but only if they’ll give you what you want,” our political strategist said, “still, not much chance anything constructive will get done over the next month or so. Grieve, Clarke, Hammond, Starmer, Benn, Lucas, Swinson, Sturgeon, Lee and others will presumably use it for a nap. You know, recover from all the near misses of the last week. Build up their strength for facing a renewed prime minister just before Halloween.”

They must be packing themselves. Which is exactly why the executive chose to close down the house of elected representatives.

Expect the Boris Johnson scoresheet to continue as it’s begun, once the prorogation is over…

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