Boris Johnson closes parliament because the way to unite a country is to silence its representatives

BAD BOY WITH HIS FINGERS IN HIS EARS : The UK’s least successful prime minister, Boris deSpaffle Johnson, has successfully dealt with a noisy and dissenting people’s parliament by shutting them it up.

In a show of executive strength Mr Johnson frowned, brayed, muttered and almost slept as he sat through the cheerful, ceremonial rigamarole required to send 650 MPs home on full pay.

“They can now focus on constituency work,” Tricky Nicki MP said, “and let us get on with the job of running the country. By the way, if you don’t like these principles, I have others?”

The move to shut up the representatives of the people is a smart one. They kept defeating Mr Johnson in the Commons. He can’t wield executive power if people see what a useless sod he is. Best to find a way to stop losing then.

Additionally, it can arguably be said to have only cost Mr Johnson whatever remaining shreds of credibility he had with people paying no attention to him whatsoever, his governing majority and his ability to force the general election he both claims to want and not want.

It is also very useful for signalling to the wider voting public what sort of government Mr Johnson wishes to run. What was really meant by that crafty Brexit slogan ‘Take Back Control [and give it to one man and his offshore billionaire backers?]’?

But how will Mr Johnson use the five weeks he now has?

“He’ll be attempting to find a way to re-open parliament,” Tricky Nicki shrugged, “now that he can’t get what he wants without it.”

In the interim Mr Johnson’s opponents will presumably use the time to coordinate and strategise how to defeat and unseat him?

A cross party effort that the long summer recess made possible and presumably (time to talk) contributed heavily to the thrashing received by the government over the last week.

“We’re strategic geniuses,” Tricky Nicki added, “our first assault on parliamentary sovereignty lost us credibility and 22 MPs. You just see what fresh hell we invent for ourselves over the next five weeks.”

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