NOT WAVING DROWNING : The always law abiding geniuses in government have obeyed the Commons vote to reveal the ‘Yellowhammer’ No Deal Brexit planning papers.
Speaking to reporters earlier today a stand in for Boris Johnson said all relevant documents had been handed over to the relevant representatives of the people’s parliament.
“There wasn’t a lot to hand over to be honest, “the Boris Johnson bodydouble shrugged, before smirking, “it’s just a photo of the button that’s been installed in 10 Downing Street and all relevant ministries.”
The buttons, described as red and easily depressed, were apparently installed earlier this year at former prime minister Theresa May’s insistence, in case the EU did not grant her an extension.
“It was the de facto method for dealing with any crisis during May’s time in office,” the messy haired actor continued, “except during the Grenfell tragedy when it took her days to work out if what was happening was a crisis or not, allegedly due to the prevalent socioeconomic backgrounds of those affected.”
But there has been some dissent over the buttons, with traditionalists in government demanding they be replaced with classic round buttons, and not the rectangles chosen by May’s team.
No discord over the wilful imposing of food and medicine rationing on the public has been recorded. This has at least boosted the government’s confidence that its plans are sound.
“We won’t need to action the No Deal plan anyway,” the body double read from his script, “as the EU will clearly finally crumble the third time we threaten to throw ourselves over a cliff. Unlike the first two. And the basis for the entire future relationship between ourselves and our continent will be agreed over drinks late in the evening. It really couldn’t be more simple. You could say solving it is as simple as pushing a button.”
Be ready. Finger over the button. Be ready to push.