Caring Conservatives : No Deal plan to replace insulin with duty free cigarettes applauded

UP IN SMOKE : The government is finally getting some much needed praise today after its No Deal planning detailed contingencies for medical shortages.

Alarm had been raised in remoaning print media about the difficulties people with potentially life threatening conditions may face in the event of a No Deal Brexit, but HMG has not allayed all concerns.

Under the plan diabetics will be encouraged to fill their car trunks up with duty free cigarettes, as Brexit provides the long awaited opportunity to bring back a traditional British past time. This being things are so bloody expensive at home, it’s either find an off licence which deals under the counter in black market produce, or dash across the channel for the day and take your pick of a number of exciting opportunities.

People worried about radioactive isotopes needn’t concern themselves with pushing for an end to Brexit either.

“The nations politics are already ground zero,” a leave supporting, struck off Doctor advises, “so just fill your veins with publicly paid for government propaganda and relax. Failing that, pop over to France and buy endless litres of duty free plonk. It couldn’t be simpler.”

But critics have been quick to point out that previous administrations have spent years attempting harm reduction as regards addictive substances, and this is potentially a step backwards?

“That’s just traitor speak. The work of fifth columnists,” the struck off, awaiting prosecution Doctor dismissed the criticisms, “you’re hardly going to be worried about developing liver failure or COPD when you’re filling in the fields of Jacob’s estates now, are you? In fact, in Brexitannia all ways to shorten your life expectancy are to be welcomed.”

But there are still one or two persistent critics. Certain loudmouths saying that if a voluntary change in government policy will potentially lead to unnecessary deaths, then that policy should not be pursued. Even going so far as to accuse the MPs involved of gross negligence.

“This just shows a need to update the duties of MPs,” the malpractice suit said, “update it for Brexit. The only thing that matters is hedge funds and currency speculators getting a pay off. That’s now an MP’s most important focus. Here, have a Marlboro.”

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