“Get Ready to be the next Thomas Cook” – Government update Brexit advice for business

CRASHING AND BURNING FOR BREXIT : 10 Downing Street is popping the champagne today after the announcement by Thomas Cook that they had become martyrs for Brexit.

“To have an ancient and famous British brand hurl itself into the flames of devalued Sterling in order to make a success of Brexit? That’s a gesture of belief that will take some serious act of government failure to better,” a Downing Street source told LCD Views, “not to mention the 22,000 employees? All the associated supply chains? It’s a staggering sacrifice. We’re going to need to make medals for the heroes of Brexit.”

And the patriotic end of the 178 year old brand has prompted Downing Street to update its advice to business.

“We’re going to be spending an additional £200m on a new wave of ‘Get Ready for Brexit’ posters. Thomas Cook being the shining example of what business needs to do before, or some may say preferably after, we’ve delivered Brexit, do or die.”

Of course not everyone is celebrating as they should be. The BBC is coming in for particular fire from its friends in government for not mentioning the impact of the serious devaluation of Sterling on global supply chain business models.

“It’s a bit baffling. Clearly we all know diesel was a driver in the failure. So too a lack of belief in powered flight on behalf of the executives. But why fail to mention the weakened purchasing power of the UK’s currency? Total head scratcher.”

We did ask Boris Johnson for comment, but he wasn’t available, busy flying over to New York to make Britain proud at the UN.

But we reckon we can guess his comment, based on past utterances.

“F U C K Thomas Cook.”

Thank you Boris and all who are working to make a success of Brexit by seeing ancient British businesses die.

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