IT’S TWINS – Boris Johnson and Donald Trump to hold joint impeachment shower, and expect gifts

HEAVY WITH EXPECTATION : Exciting announcements today from both sides of the big pond as Donald Trump and Boris Johnson agree to hold a joint impeachment shower.

“It shows what mavericks they are,” our embedded Johnson reporter says, “it can’t be a coincidence that they held cosy conversations in private just yesterday and today the big announcement.”

“Donald can’t believe his luck,” a correspondent closely following events in the White House also reported back, “even now he’s still incredibly excited. He doesn’t really believe it. Mostly because he’s batshit crazy and going senile, twinned with a sociopathic personality disorder.”

And well wishers are encouraged to join in the celebrations by visiting an online gift register and choosing something predetermined by the expectant couple.

“All the classics are there. Hand knitted booties, scarves and gloves, as it can get cold in the courtyard of any penitentiary,” our reporter continues, “but there’s also some uniques choices, while still respecting tradition. Homemade cakes with files baked inside. Skeleton keys. Burner phones, in peach or peach. Unbreakable codes for the times when you’ve something special to say. Offshore bank accounts in jurisdictions that respect privacy. It’s quite an exhaustive list.”

It’s not clear what date exactly the impeachments will arrive bouncing and squalling into the light, but all over the world avid watchers of the norm busting pair have clasped their hands together and are praying.

“Imagine a world in which both these tyrannosaurus wrecks are walking up and down the hall of a night, little baby impeachments drooling bile down their backs?” one fan, supportive of a restitution of the norms of liberal, representative democracy posted online, “I can’t wait for them to go into labour. Both of them. And I hope it’s hard.”

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