Borisocalypse…not quite now

BULLINGDON bRAT : Boris Johnson returned to the House of Commons last night at a speed described by bystanders as terminal bellicosity.

“He started off with the ‘it’s just Boris being Boris’ act but quickly accelerated to something like ‘IF I’M GOING DOWN YOU’RE ALL COMING WITH ME!’” our embedded correspondent reports, “I’m just glad I was wearing my wet weather gear. When he finally exploded it was a shitastrophe of Boriscat.”

And explode Boris Johnson did in the best tradition of a spoiled brat masquerading as a grown man.

“He’s painted himself into a corner even faster than Theresa May did,” our correspondent continued, “she took her time, neurotic stroke after neurotic stroke, retreating towards the corner at each pass. But Mr Johnson has come to office and thrown whole buckets of paint across the floor, splashing himself and all around him.”

We’ve been watching. We’ve seen.

“And now he finds himself in a corner screaming at his political enemies to give him the lifeline of a GE. Not so fast. Let him rage and plead, threaten and squeal like the stuck pig he is. Each day that passes underlines his impotence. Let that sink in. This is Brexit. There’s a horrible danger that his irresponsible rhetoric will trigger an atrocity. But there’s no escaping that risk. Too many MPs have validated Brexit as a doable project for too long. Those that have have gotten us to this terrible pass. Now they have to decide. If this is how Brexit’s leaders behave now, how will they behave afterwards?”

It maybe that Mr Johnson is now suspecting reducing a minority of one to minus forty something wasn’t the smartest move. The instinctive reaction of the bully to being denied his own way.

“Each step he takes now will make it worse for him and everyone,” our correspondent continues, “he’s a study in the problem of failing upwards. Once you get to the top there is nowhere to go, but down, and fast. He’s not even bothering to plateau. But then if I had billions of offshore cash riding on me crashing the UK’s economy I’d be worried about not delivering too.”

The one thing that must be clear to all by now is that there is no good Brexit. You want to heal the country? Stop weakening it. Expose the lies. Hold the liars to account.

“For Boris Johnson it’s apocalyptic. Which is the least he deserves. I doubt he will go to the EU and ask for an extension. He’s cornered and he knows it. He’s currently in fight mode. The question remains when will he choose flight.”

Don’t give him ground.

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