Tory conference hall exit stampede as Priti Patel declares government is coming after the criminals

FILES BAKED IN CAKES : DISGRACED FORMER INTERNATIONAL DEVELOPMENT SECRETARY Priti Patel caused a stampede for the exits during her landmark speech to conference this afternoon.

Insiders close to the Home Secretary said she at first thought members were standing to give her an ovation. But it quickly became apparent they were legging it as fast as their arthritic legs would carry them.

“It was right after she declared the Tories were once again the party of law and order,” the insider reveals, “and they were coming after the criminals.”

How Ms Patel thought this a credible gambit for a major conference speech is anyone’s guess.

She was after all herself forced to stand down from cabinet under Theresa May for operating her own clandestine foreign policy agenda.

“Don’t forget to mention she was also part of Vote Leave, found to have broken electoral laws. Not that that in anyway undermines her credibility on law and order. In fact it makes her an expert.”

But going back for the high ground on law and order is smart politics, not only because of Priti’s personal history, chequered at best.

“The government has been found to have unlawfully suspended Parliament. It was also held in contempt of parliament. It has also slashed the police and other services. Never mind its slightly wishy washy CV on going after tax dodgers. They keep illegally selling arms to Saudi Arabia too. She needs to go right back after that chalice of justice and hold it high.”

There’s also the matter of numerous Tory MPs now having had to stand down following criminal convictions and one still facing trial.

“The Party is definitely overflowing with knowledge regarding criminality. No doubt about it.”

Quite how an MP that has previously been forced to stand down from cabinet for reasons such as those that once removed Ms Patel can still be allowed to rise again? And back to cabinet is anyone’s guess.

“It may just be our entire system needs an overhaul.”

Just maybe.

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