VERY STABLE GENIUS : The United Kingdom’s one bigliest brain has moved to pour more petroleum on the dumpster fire of the UK’s Brexit anxieties today, via Twitter.
Prolific social media posting, or shitposting, has been the hallmark so far of Mr Johnson’s tenure in 10 Downing Street. So much so that people have correctly surmised that he’s doing sod all actual governance.
“It does make you wonder why he wants a GE,” a Downing Street observer said, “given he clearly doesn’t want to be a prime minister. Couldn’t we just give him a reality TV show instead and save everyone a hell of a lot of bother?”
A timely question, but not one even Mr Johnson will likely face up to, so steeped in juvenile fantasies of power and being a crap Churchill impersonator.
And to that end he has moved to reassure the country he will succeed in imposing entirely voluntary food and medicine shortages, balanced out by extra dogging in Kent, by delivering Brexit by October 31st, do or die, dead in a ditch or on the lamb.
“He’s going to use his ‘great and unmatched wisdom’ according to no one but himself,” our observer relays, after gouging their eyes out on Twitter.
This will definitely ensure he makes a success of it, as there’s nothing he can’t do when he turns his attention to it.
“Except understand how Google hangouts work, apparently,” the observer adds, “but for some things you do have to concede to outside assistance, especially if it comes via a pole dancer.”
It seems reasonable to suggest the assertion by Mr Johnson will be matched against his track record of deliverance, mostly of lost votes in the commons, cases lost at taxpayers expense in the Supreme Court and relations with the Crown.
“To be fair,” our observer ends, “the record he’s achieved since taking office shows an especially unmatched wisdom.”