Her Majesty the Queen will not make a traditional Queen’s Speech this time around, the Palace has revealed. Strange times call for strange measures, so instead Her Majesty will perform a medley of her greatest hits.
Palace spokesman Kurt C. Nicely fleshed out the detail for LCD Views.
“Her Majesty will set the tone with a rousing chorus of Killer Queen,” he said. “One’s a killer Queen, gunpowder, gelatine, dynamite with a laser beam, and guaranteed to blow your mind. Any time. Sort of appropriate, don’t you think?”
We were eager to know which other songs made up the medley.
“One’s Going Slightly Mad,” replied Nicely. “One Wants It All. Another One Bites The Dust. Brexitian Rhapsody. One Will Rock You. And to finish with, One Wants To Break Free. Finally, Brian May will play God Save The Queen on the roof of Buck House.”
One wants to break free from the lies, you’re so self-satisfied, one doesn’t need you. Sounds like a manifesto for change.
Nicely confirms that Her Majesty’s famous dogs will be in attendance. “If Paul McCartney can have a Frog Chorus, Her Majesty can have a Corgi Chorus,” he claims.
But Nicely refused to confirm that the Queen was intending to include the lesser known track Death On Two Legs as a riposte to Boris Johnson.
Rumours that the Queen will grow a moustache, don a leotard and prance about her parlour in a suggestive manner have been greatly exaggerated.
“That would be ridiculous!” said Nicely. “Her Majesty doesn’t want headlines saying Lady-o Ga Ga, does she?”
Unfortunately, none of this has any bearing on the government’s future plans. But since the only plans on the table are crash out, call an election, Escape From The Swamp and bugger off sharpish, it doesn’t really matter.
Nothing really matters, anyone can see. Nothing really matters to one.