“Why not break both your legs?” – Clean Break Brexit enthusiasts choose campaign slogan

THE WHOLE WORLD IS A STAGE AND WE ARE MERELY STAGGERING ACROSS IT : Enthusiastic Brexit pushers have reached new heights of fetishisation in their desire to do harm to all and sundry, now demanding a ‘Clean Break Brexit’, and to help themselves they’ve settled on a campaign slogan.

“Now, now, let me speak,” a hard Brexit pusher demanded, while speaking, “Why not break both your legs? Is a perfectly sensible question. Especially, and I want to make this absolutely clear, your legs are currently functioning perfectly well and are unbroken.”

The adoption of the slogan is certain to help push their agenda of radicalising credulous types into certain danger, and self harm, for being just a few words long. Easy to remember. Easy to repeat.

“And it draws on famous theatrical tropes,” the pusher said, “Break a leg! Who in the entertainment business, which I am, doesn’t want to do that?”

Critics of the slogan have been quick to point out that even breaking one leg is foolish, especially if you have a choice not to, and two legs is just insane.

“Fifth columnist saboteurs in the pay of Junker!” The pusher hit back, “for far too long good, honest, hardworking British men and women have been walking around doing Brussel’s bidding on both their legs. Let’s see how Merkel likes it when we can’t walk! Let’s see whose plaster and splint manufacturers are booming then! And with no need for exports to have a thriving, broken bone based, nationally focused, global economy!”

While various swivel eyed Tory MPs are certain to get behind the campaign and volunteer to break poorer people’s legs for Brexit, some have demurred.

Rory Stewart has suggested that one broken arm Brexit, and a mild ankle strain, combined with an infected, ingrown toenail would be preferable. Nick Boles has weighed in to support the call. Likewise other Tory ‘rebels’ ejected from the party by fracturer in chief, Johnson, on the grounds they just weren’t kamikaze enough. They will continue to make their case for limited harm to the national body, while little voices inside them scream.

Labour MPs have also lent both their criticism and support. Certain Labour Lexit MPs have written to the EU asking it to break just one leg for us, as that will leave their constituents still able to hop and hobble about after Brexit, and besides it’s all the Tories fault for starting it. Their job as opposition MPs is to both go along with, and appear to oppose, the national act of self-harm. This will help unify the nation, after cheering it on to unknown amounts of damage.

Who will ultimately triumph, and just how much plaster you will be wearing, may come down to a referendum on the issue. Do you want one broken leg, or two? Or do you actually think not breaking your legs is better?

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