Brexit : Johnson to sign any old nonsense if it lets him stay PM for five mins longer, just like May before him

STARING INTO POOLS OF WATER AND FINDING YOURSELF BEAUTIFUL : BORIS ‘F BUSINESS’ JOHNSON is said to be on the verge of signing whatever the EU puts before him.

“Any old nonsense will do really,” an aide to the PM told LCD Views, “the key objective is, does it allow him to stay prime minister for five minutes longer? It’s the same criteria May used when she was negotiating her Brexit. Which funnily enough, now looks a lot like Johnson’s Brexit.”

Delivering Brexit is the only thing that matters as the only thing that matters is keeping the support of people who can keep you prime minister because you delivered Brexit. At least for another five minutes.

Johnson has a clear path ahead of him. So simple issues like consequences, intended or otherwise, and complexity over time, are unwanted distractions.

But some have signalled concerns over the way in which the PM is attempting to get Brexit done, regardless of the consequences, and to an arbitrary timetable.

“Those people worry too much about others and their children, and not enough about immediate self-gratification,” the aide retorted, “live life in the moment like Boris does. Let tomorrow take care of itself. Let yesterday be lost in the swirling churn of time. It’s definitely the way to run a country.”

And concerns about what the details of any Deal Boris eventually agrees with the EU, if any, are perhaps vastly over inflated, just like the pound was before it felt the benefits of 3.5 years of pre-Brexit.

“It’s not like he intends to keep any promises,” our analyst observed, “the Brexit deal is like his wedding vows. Something you’re expected to do to get what you want on the day. They don’t mean anything to Boris. And besides, he and the other politicians shoving Brexit down the country’s throat are wealthy enough not to worry about the consequences. So just sit back and be taken for a ride. You’re currently living through history. You should be excited.”

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