THE BIG TENT : A cross party motion, put forward under a little known parliamentary instrument (that allows the sponsor anonymity), has been tabled for Monday that seeks to maintain the steady downward trajectory of British polity.
“The Bill has been called the Batshit-Crazy-SNAFU Bill and will be un-amendable,” our Westminster circus correspondent says, “it is expected to get broad cross party support.”
Under the terms of the legislation, if passed, the UK parliament will be unable to do anything sensible.
“It really is just ensuring the steady hand on the tiller since the country avoided chaos with Ed Milliband four years ago in 2015,” our boffin boffines, “Christ. Was it only four years ago? It seems like a century. I’m going to go and have a little lie down. Finish without me.”
Any legislation that in any way, however vague, attempts to restore sanity or break the Brexit impasse, will be instantly passed, then automatically repealed by action of statute. Then it will he set on fire in a bin while Liz Truss dances a Maypole and flings pig trotters in.
But the reach of the bill won’t stop with House of Commons fiddling over Brexit.
As Brexit is the beginning, middle and end of the problem plaguing British political and civil life, Brexit itself will be given protected status under the legislation. It will become the defining characteristic of this an increasingly broke, damp, isolated collection of islands until the Sun expands and turns our atmosphere into a replica of Venus.
But while the sponsor of the Bill is anonymous, Westminster watchers are pretty sure it’s none other than the Prime Minister.
A never ending state of Brexit impasse will allow for a never ending Boris Johnson government. At least that appears to be the rationale behind the Batshit-Crazy-SNAFU Bill.
Always stuck in one place. Never reaching anything sensible, like a conclusion, always watching Mr Johnson spaff up his hair and electioneer on Facepamphlet.
To do anything else, like have a referendum, would be far too sensible.
We all lost. Get over it.