UK political parties to run on joint GE 2019 campaign platform of blaming each other for result of GE 2019

GET YOUR FINGERS OUT AND START POINTING : Just as Global Britons were feeling dread in the pits of their stomachs at the prospect of five weeks of idiocy comprising GE2019, hope is here at last.

“They’re all going to work together?” embattled voter, Hope Springs, asked, looking up from a cross-party tweet, “this is great. Finally maturity and pragmatism are returning to UK politics.”

And Hope is right to be hopeful. Today all UK political parties, except UKIP who suddenly find themselves both Dick and Braine less, have announced a common policy platform.

“They’ve apparently agreed to run on a common platform of all blaming each other for the fiasco, even before it unfolds,” Hope smiled, such a ray of sunshine in dark days, “Labour is going to blame the Libdems. The Tories are going to blame Labour. The Libdems are going to blame Labour and the Libdems. The Green is going to blame all the others, in turn, equally, one at a time. And so on. It’s a complete triumph of reason and reality. SNP and Plaid will take it in turn to blame the big parties, on days when they look exhausted. And the DUP are going to blame Varadkar, just to show UK politics is outward looking.”

How having one policy platform will work out for all the parties is not yet clear.

“To be fair, it hasn’t been tried before, at least not in my lifetime,” Hope shrugged, “but at least now I’ll be able to decide who to vote for based on who I’m convinced is the most blameless.”

As to what the country’s 16 year olds will think of it all, and who they’ll blame, we’re pretty sure they’ll blame the generations who’ve cocked it up so spectacularly while they’ve been waiting to grow up and vote.

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