FOCUS ON THE NATIONAL INTEREST : Wish fulfilment in spades today after the leadership of the Labour and Liberal Democrat parties announced a plan to agree electoral pacts for key marginals.
“It’s just common sense,” a spokesman as imaginary as the headline to this article said, “we’ve both been banging on for years now that the most important thing is to get the toxic Tories out of office, so it seemed a bit bloody confusing to people, who aren’t deeply tribal, that as soon as a GE was announced we told each other to get stuffed in no uncertain terms.
“Then many of our social media activists followed suit. It was very divisive and distracting and only helped Boris Johnson. Labour members bashing LibDems all over social media. Libdems bashing Labour. Tories sitting back howling in laughter. Moderate members of Labour and Libdems shaking their heads and wondering which party is sane enough to join next?”
The decision to work together seems certain to reduce Boris Johnson’s chances of gaining a majority to virtually nil.
It will also build on the great strides being made by the Liberal Democrats, Greens, Plaid and others who are already working together to reduce the Tory Party’s chances.
Now Labour has joined the electoral pact alliance Boris looks stuffed.
“It’s just political realism,” the source said, “what’s the point of Labour standing candidates in seats it can not realistically hope to take off the Tories, but the LibDems can? And vice versa? We disagree on a lot of issues, but we can deal with that once the Tories are out and the NHS sale off the table.”
The move is also thought to be grounded in sober realisation of what the failure of all opposition parties to remove the Johnson government, and form a GNU, means.
“We got a little tribal,” the spokesman sighed, “right when we had a chance to topple Johnson. Everyone let their own ambitions cloud their judgements. It wasn’t great. But now we can make amends.”
The move is expected to send shockwaves through the meme factories of both parties, who will now actually have to focus on making emotionally triggering memes just targeting the Tories.
“Look we all know Jeremy is a little bit Brexity. We all know Swinson has a historical voting record that’s a little um, sketchy, in terms of purity? Who gains if we both focus on such matters and not on working together to GTTO?”