James Cleverly’s empty chair scores higher in IQ test than James Cleverly

OH WHAT A TANGLED WEB WE WEAVE WHEN FIRST…: It’s been revealed today that James Cleverly faces an uphill re-election struggle in Braintree.

“Initially the struggle seemed to be just how different to his surname the Conservative Party chair is proving to be, oh, and the lying, oh, and the countdown clock. But it’s got worse,” our source at pollsters NoGov revealed, “Kay Burley’s interview with the empty chair has seen James Cleverly’s empty chair instantly overtaking him in polling for preferred MP for Braintree, if it turns out a Conservative is returned on the 12th December.”

The challenge may indeed come as a shock to Mr Cleverly, but may at least distract from the total clusterfuck he, Rees-mogg and Bridgen have made of the Conservative campaign kick off.

Even if the chair scoring higher than James in a hastily conducted IQ test maybe a little disappointing.

But it’s really not all bad news for Mr Cleverly, even after he lied, it seems, about why the chair was empty, and then was caught out in the lie because of time. And the shocking reality that recorded events can happen at different times and the times be checked.

The chair is said to already have its sights set on greater achievements than replacing Cleverly in Braintree.

“The empty chair is also polling exceptionally well as preferred prime minister,” our pollster advises, “and is seeking a safe seat now for the GE. This is after the expert manner with which it handled Burley’s questions. Not one attempt at evasion. Not one lie. Just a straightforward approach. A vow of silence if you will, it worked a treat.”

It may also work for Mr Cleverly. Hint. Hint. And numerous other Tory wannabes.

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