PUBLISH AND BE DAMNED : The Centre for Advanced Lying and Chicanery, generally called CCHQ, has hit back today at criticism it attempted to deceive the public over the Labour Party’s manifesto.
“Well it’s not like we can campaign on our record in government,” a bemused insider told LCD Views, “honestly, people are so idealistic. Lying is all we’ve got. So we’ve got to use it. Fair’s fair.”
But the plea for reasonableness is unlikely to get them much sympathy, as hoodwinking is now their only modus operandi.
“It worked a treat in the advisory referendum campaign in 2016,” he went on, “you’ve probably forgotten the £350m lie on that Boris bus. The invasion of the Turks. The Breaking Point poster that the old scallywag Nigel used to leverage a nostalgia for WW2 race based propaganda to such good effect.”
No. We haven’t. In fact the unpunished deception and racism used to gain the marginal win in the poll, riddled with lawbreaking, is unforgettable.
“It’s only reasonable that we should use the same immoral strategy now. It’s not like we can run on mass expansion of the food bank sector! Ha! No matter how uplifting Victorian spindleturd Jacob finds them.”
But it makes an already uneven playing field a potholed zone of democratic nightmare.
“Which is just how we want it. Also to be completely unaccountable of course. But don’t worry, our own manifesto, if we ever bother to publish it, will be a total and utter complete fabrication too. You won’t be able to believe a word in it.”