Downing St reveals plan to make EU27 visitors pledge oath of allegiance to Brexit to get visa

FREEDOM OF NO SENSE : “If Brexit is to succeed everyone needs to get behind Brexit,” so began the speech this morning by a Michael Gove impersonator, dressed as a piece of used dental floss washed up on a river bank, “and that means our friends and our neighbours too. No matter how bad we treat them.”

So much so standard for Brexit fare. But what seemed like just tired repetition of a limp Brexit word salad was an opening to a new door. Whether it will be an open or shut door is not entirely clear.

“And part of making a success of Brexit will rest on the shoulders of those EU27 visitors who will continue to flock to the shores of Britannia even after we’ve told them all to get stuffed.”


“And this is where EU27 citizens of nowhere will really be put to the test. Just how bad do you want to come to Brexit Britain? How green with envy are you? Green enough to take the oath?”

The what now?

“Under plans being drawn up by my department, the PM’s SPADs and Priti Patel, there will be a simple way to prove that you’re worthy of entry to our promised land of sunlit uplands, unicorn hamburgers and children fighting over coats made of cats.”

Oh, that’s alright then. What is it?

“All anyone will need to do is take an oath of allegiance to Brexit and they will be granted a visa, after we gene type them and charge them £1,000 for the privilege.”

This sounds better than FOM. But what about UK citizens travelling to the EU27 after Brexit? Once the oath of allegiance becomes a thing?

“We do not anticipate the remaining EU countries will impose anything similar on our citizens. After all, we’re British.”

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