Let’s get parliament working again, is the cry from Boris Bollocks Johnson. This, don’t forget, is the man who prorogued parliament to stop it from doing its job.
Meanwhile, Bollocks has decided to hold an election, during which period parliament will not sit. These are the actions of a man who does not want parliament to operate at all.
It’s such a load of nonsense that it deserves to be plastered on the side of a big red bus.
Joining it will be all the promises of extra nurses, police, funding and so on. Numbers so fanciful that they may have been crunched by Diane Abbott herself.
Bollocks’ nose grows another inch every time he says “Let’s Get Brexit Done”. His proboscis currently circles the globe three and a half times.
Let’s Get Brexit Done, or LGBD, is a carefully chosen slogan. In the words of Bollocks himself, it’s a crude attempt to attract the votes of tank topped bum boys.
LCD Views naturally wanted to find out what passes for the truth these days, from the horse’s mouth. Our Verifiable Veracity correspondent sought out Captain Bullshit for an explanation.
“It’s, erm, well, yes indeed, absolutely, golly, erm, no, yes,” confirmed Bollocks himself. “I closed parliament to get it working again. It’s the same with, erm, technology and stuff, isn’t it, that’s what Jennifer Arcuri told me – allegedly, ha ha! – you turn it off and turn it on again. Works with all the fillies, erm, well, yes, what was the question again?”
We showed him a picture of the relevant headlines, but he pocketed the device, in order to provide a demonstration of the Tories’ policy with regards the NHS.
Fortunately he did return the device, albeit minus the photos and the contact details of all our female acquaintances.
Interestingly, “Let’s get Brexit done” is an anagram of “Bots entered ex gilt”.