WHICH WAY DOES YOURS LEAN : EXCELLENT NEWS TODAY THAT FAMOUS POTATRIOT MARK FRANCOIS is to be rewarded for his services to getting Brexit done with a Ministry.
“Some had been expecting him to get a peerage,” our Westminster insider commented, “like Nicky Morgan. A pay off and off you trot whenever you’re done with it. Whenever even full mint toothbrush won’t wash the taste out. But it seems Little Mark has the zest and vim to continue the fight. So a Ministry appointment it is.”
The Ministry will be a newly created one, especially to reward Mr Francois, and will have a budget of £350m per week.
“He’s bloody chuffed with the tool they’ve given him to do the job too,” the insider continued, “a protractor with Union Jack patterning and a ‘Made In Britain’ sticker plastered over the ‘Made in China’ one on the back.”
But in spite of the cheers, there are a few who worry that the Ministry will be a short lived one.
“It’s not the budget, that’s guaranteed, it’s the actual workload itself,” the insider reveals, “Mark will be given a team of remoaning, metropolitan, liberal elite traitors who will be forced to measure the bananas, under his watchful eyes. But there’s concern the actual supply of bananas will cease once Britain goes Global at the end of 2020.”
Oh no! What will he do next?
“I wouldn’t worry,” the insider finished, “I have it on good authority he’s already thinking about also measuring every British knee in the United Kingdom to ensure all men have patriotic, firm British knees. So that’ll keep him busy for yonks. Oh, and he’s breeding a special Union Jack potato too.”
Global Britain. The work will be endless.