WHAT’S THE TIME MR WOLF : TAKE THAT BONEY! Great news today that the latest Boris Johnson government is to move swiftly to ensure Britain stays English.
For too long continental influences have been allowed to erode the certainty of patriotic British men, women and bull terriers over who is right about everything, and of course who is wrong.
Time to set things right.
To this end today’s Queen’s Speech will include a raft of measures to chase away the debilitating corrosion in our psychological infrastructure.
In many ways it’s snuck in unseen from across the channel as Brits accidentally made links with suspicious foreign subversives, while attempting to help out by shouting loudly enough to be understood. This has mostly occurred while buying bread that is the wrong shape.
“First up is time,” Mr F Magnet, Home Office, told LCD Views, “we all know that an Englishman invented time in Greenwich, some time ago, but then all these pale imitators across the Channel claimed to know what it was. Brass neck of them. They took proper clocks and put their own, incorrect, time on them. Then people started bringing those clocks back as souvenirs. That’s how they do it you see? Lull you into a false sense of security. Well it stops now!”
And it’s not just time that is being served.
“Have I mentioned bread? Painful subject. So many incorrect shapes for sale on the high streets these days. And presumably online. Well, no more! All bread will now be either breast, or bap shaped, or square. That way you can make sandwiches correctly.”
This is a great start. It can only help make a success of Brexit if correct culture is imposed by way of legislation.
“And don’t forget that greatest of English inventions. The chip! Anyone caught dipping a chip into mayonnaise will now be stoned.”
You what?
“Britain first! That’s the way we’ll run this government.”
How very Brexit.