The United Kingdom to be renamed The Democratic People’s Republic of Global Britain

IF THEY HAVE TO PUT THE WORD DEMOCRATIC IN IT : The cod wars will soon start again in the North Sea but Global Britons have the upper hand this time, thanks to a rebrand which will leave foreign fishermen in no doubt over our resolve.

One of the many new clauses added to Boris Johnson’s WAB (the ‘B’ is pronounced ‘nk’) is a rename of the United Kingdom to reflect the new reality.

“We thought it best to put democratic in the name so everyone knows that removing parliamentary oversight, via a rushed bit of legislation, doesn’t mean the worst actors on the stage have taken back control of parliamentary sovereignty,” a source inside Downing Street said, “and we’ll be having a full military parade in the spring to celebrate Boris Johnson promoting himself to the rank of Field Marshall Wetherspoons.”

The new name will be emblazoned on the currency once Boris Johnson replaces the Queen on notes with himself. It will also be symbolic of the new era after the Fixed Term Parliament Act is amended next summer to legislate for a general election every ten years, instead of five.

“We will be using emergency powers to ban demonstrations too,” the source continued, “because democratic is now in our country’s name there’s nothing to protest about.”

It’s believed the rebrand will give the Johnson administration the upper hand in trade negotiations.

“Once foreign negotiators see that we now have ‘democratic’ in our country’s name they will understand that deals can be done swiftly, just by asking their opposite number for a bank account number and sort code for an account in the Cayman Islands.”

Global Britain. Less democracy is more democracy. Just like nurse numbers.

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