GO HOME OFFICE SINGING ALONG : While the contenders for the Labour leadership come up with innovative ways to appeal to innocent, dewy eyed nativists, such as progressive patriotism, in attempts to continue the roaringly successful fence sitting policy which saw Jeremy Corbyn retain his seat, the Tories aren’t messing around.
The much trumpeted ‘points based immigration system’ is soon to be launched and it will be easy to score max points.
“Max points will get you the golden ticket,” a Home Office insider told LCD Views, “normally golden tickets are reserved for kleptocrats seeking to legitimise their looted money via the London property market, but Global Britain will need to attract a broad range of skills to thrive. Controversial though it is to admit it.”
Patriotism is clearly going to be a growth area, but sadly Boris Johnson’s ‘People’s Government’ of hardworking millionaires can’t rely on the people themselves to supply enough of it.
“Well, once the re-education camps are started that’ll change,” the insider continues, “but until that time we are going to need newcomers who speak, or whistle, our language.”
This language is straightforward. It relies almost entirely of misappropriation of conflicts and sacrifices of the past in morally unsound attempts to legitimise turning the world of today into a rights reducing, profit enhancing, global climate change exacerbating sweatshop for the profit of a minute percentage of the populace.
To this end immigrants applying to enter Global Britain, if there are any, will be able to smash the quiz by whistling the theme tune to ‘The Great Escape’, ‘Dambusters’, ‘The Bridge over the River Why’ and any other of the historical films understanding of the 21st Century for Global Britons will be based on.
“I hear there’s going to be a magic level too, or a level up if you like,” the insider added, “If you can prove you’ve shouted ‘Two World Wars and One World Cup’ at Angela Merkel you’ll get an instant peerage!”
Global Britain, accusations that the government is living in the past? We won’t hear of it!