GOVERNMENT IN SELF IMPOSED EXILE : EVER HARDWORKING PRIME MINISTER OF ENGLAND, BORIS DE WTFACKLE JOHNSON, hasn’t shied away from hard work while on the beach.
“You don’t pay £20,000 per week for a beach holiday on an exclusive millionaire’s retreat, after conning millions of working class voters to back you, before getting away with your latest squeeze to just drink and shag for weeks,” our embedded reporter reports, “not if you’re Al “shagger” Johnsonov. It’s not all play. From what I’ve observed, in between games of Twister, it’s bloody hard work figuring out how to actually stay away on full pay.”
And work it out Boris Johnson has and action he is taking.
“He’s asked Dom to arrange one of the lackey MPs to introduce new legislation levelling up the PM’s holiday pay to 52 weeks per year,” our reporter continues to fabricate,
“it’s necessary to recharge if you’re allowing a bunch of misfits and oddballs to do the job of governing for you. Those moments when you have to hide? When you have to run into the nearest walk-in fridge, you’ve got to be ready for those moments. You’re going to need energy to burn. Admittedly it’s a short burn.”
And judging by news leaking out of the Westminster torture dungeon Short Cummings has been happy to do as required.
“It saves him time,” the reporter adds, “he’s essentially the Johnson ventriloquist dummy’s hand and voice. If Boris just stays away on holiday then Dom saves time not having to pretend Boris is prime minister. He can really get those reforms done in fast time then.”
Which is exactly what you’d expect from an unelected advisor curiously, apparently, currently given carte blanche to do over our entire basis of government.
Enjoy the beach Boris. Why not stay away all year?