Boris Johnson packed inside portable safe room for return to UK

RED WHITE AND BLUE TAPE : BRITAIN’S MIA PRIME MINISTER, Alexander something something something Johnson, has been readied for return to the United Kingdom in alignment with both EU and British regulations pertaining to the transport of both smoked, and fresh, fish.

He was first placed inside a cool bag, than placed on an ice pillow inside a portable fridge.

The decision by Mr Johnson to cut short his budget holiday on a little known, sparsely populated desert island, has been taken after some expressed concern that he was sunning himself by a pool at the start of World War Three.

“He’s a bit peeved with Donnie to be honest,” a source inside the food packaging factory [readying Mr Johnson for transport] remarked, “he had hoped to complete Chillunary. It’s a thing where extremely wealthy men, who’ve positioned themselves into positions of power and responsibility on the back of just a shit tonne of lies, then take weeks off not doing their job. As it’s a political appointment no actual work is required. It’s the title that matters most. Underlings and handlers can deal with the day to day.”

But certain members of the British polity and press have expressed concern that Mr Johnson should cut short his chillax time and return home.

“It’s not as if Dominic ‘the navigator’ Raab couldn’t handle Iran all on his own,” the source continued, “he’s just completed the couch to 5km and is telling everyone he meets ‘I ran’ here. I ran there.”

The return of Mr Johnson will be welcomed though by the public who will be reassured by his double thumbs up press shots as Mr Trump flails about wondering whether he needs to commit war crimes or not to avoid impeachment.

“I will pull you up on something though,” the source corrected, “you’ve stated Mr Johnson is MIA. He’s most definitely not. He’s not in action. He’s been doing sod all except laugh at the plebs that elected him.”

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