EU DOESN’T STAND A CHANCE : The United Kingdom’s Spaffenfuhrer Boris Johnson is stopping at nothing to let all corners of the global world know that Global Britain (hashtag) is a force to be reckoned with.
“Not content with projecting the clock face of Big Ben onto 10 Downing Street for US Dependence Day, 31st January 2020, Mr Johnson has now ordered a robust and easily remembered slogan projected onto a famous, EU facing, English landmark,” a Downing Street ‘source’ revealed.
Accordingly “We R a serious country 4 serious people” will be spaffed all up [and over] the White Cliffs of Dover, bluebirds not withstanding, just as soon as the public has raised the funds for it.
“This will show Brussels that they’re in for a rough ride in the coming trade negotiations against the people this year,” the source added, “they need to know now that it’s pointless turning up to negotiations with telephone books worth of detail and preparation and legalistic mumbo-jumbo. We’ve got our cliffs. We’ve got our slogan. We’re ready to go. What have they got?”
And once the Dover slogan has had time to embed itself in the EU’s consciousness there will be more.
“We’re going to crowd fund for further slogans. But these will be individually tailored to divide and conquer the EU27. We’ll insult the Germans in French in Germany. We’ll insult the Italians in Spanish in Italy. And so on. They’ll be at each other’s throats and we’ll be sitting smug, telling them exactly how it’s going to be.”
But critics of the policy have warned of the needless expense of dreaming up individual slogans for each country.
“All they really need to know is that the UK is now a local country for local people and everyone else should just stay away,” one said.
Given that the UK’s political class has spent the last week arguing over what to do with a large bell, it’s fair to say, everyone already knows what they’re dealing with as Mr Johnson leads the UK his own way.