EVER STRONGER UNION OF EQUALS : Whoever the leaders are (English media unable to inform) of the Welsh Assembly and that place in Northern Ireland are reportedly furious today after a serious snub from 10 Downing Street.
The insult appears to be the decision to order a massive Saint George Cross to fly over Edinburgh Castle from 11pm (CET) on the 31st January 2020, but no such command given to whoever organises national symbols of ever closer union in the other places.
“It’s a classic Dom for sure,” a Downing Street source told LCD Views, “dom as in dominion. Although this is more about reassurance than unnecessary triumphalism.”
The flying of the English flag and not the Union Jack is believed to offer additional comfort to Scots who may lately have become confused over how much autonomy they can expect going forward.
“Boris isn’t going to put up with any mouthy jocks ruining his endless bunga bunga party in Downing Street,” the source goes on, “let’s start as we mean to go on. Children should be seen and not heard. Or in Mr Johnson’s case neither seen nor heard.”
It’s additionally believed Nicola Sturgeon will be placed in manacles and paraded down Pall Mall on the 31st as the English nationalist victory over the Scots beds in.
Enough words, like all the English plebs about to lose FOM, and all the other rights you can keep if born rich enough, the Scots need to feel the boot of the toffs. The people have decided.
“That’s about creating a sense of shared powerless for all. Some would say moving to a more empowered system, regionally speaking, would secure the Union going forward, but Boris favours a more 18th century approach.”
The flag itself will be manufactured out of the used bed sheets of Jacob Rees-mogg to ensure it carries the right vibe north of Hadrian’s Wall.
Mark Francois is tipped to unfurl the giant St George and shout “BONG!” over and over as he does. Any Scots who fail to also shout bong will have their names noted down and access to Irn-Bru restricted to remind them of who is the boss of who.
However you plan to celebrate English independence from a shared international framework of minimal rights and freedoms, just make sure it’s bonkers.