HE HATHAWAY WITH HIM : One of the biggest, enduring questions in British cultural life has been finally answered with the announcement that famous British actor Laurence Fox is to replace Daniel Craig as James Bond.
The rumour mill had long expected Idris Elba to replace Craig but as is often the case the rumour mill only produced chaff. Instead a working class hero with a rags to riches story has seized the cultural prize of playing the iconic defender of the establishment.
“Fox will help bring a touch of 21st century class to the role at a time when traditional British values are at risk,” our entertainment industry insider reveals, “it had long been expected that the franchise would get a makeover with its first non-white actor, or heaven forbid, a woman, but we can all rest easy knowing that sort of progressive nonsense isn’t going to happen today.”
In the film Fox’s Bond will face off against global super villain Mr Woke who is attempting to destroy the collective historical memory of proper Englishmen by removing all archive footage of white, working class men from WW1.
“The W.O.K.E. corp has encircled the globe in an elitist conspiracy that fronts as an eco movement, but whose real aim is to put more and more psychological pressure on insecure, weirdly angry, privileged white guys. Something has to be done. Someone has to stand up for white male privilege. That someone is Fox.”
Adding to the anticipation is the additional rumour that actor turned politician, Donald Trump, will have a bit part as a key moral ally of the new Bond.
“Mr Trump has already appeared once before in the franchise in ‘From Russia With Love’ and this time he plays a fierce activist leading a group called Incel who are determined to stop Woke in its tracks. It’s a natural pairing of characters from each side of the pond.”
The film’s title is still under consideration but suggestions are ‘He Hathaway With Him’, ‘Wake Another Day’, ‘They Sikh Him Here, They Seek Him Everywhere’ and ‘Amnesia is Forever’ are the titles on the short list.