TODDLEROCRACY OR TOFFLEROCRACY : The UK is achieving great new things globally, under blond boy Boris, even before the terminal moment of Brexit (CET).
“We were the first officially recognised Idiocracy,” a Downing Street source trumpets in triumph, “the first Foffcracy, under Theresa May’s hostile environment, the foremost Kakistocracy due to being such a great place to clean your dirty money and now the UN has officially labelled the UK the first Toddlerocracy! The winning simply does not stop. Get over it.”
The accolade has been awarded in advance of “Getting Brexit Done” on the 31st January, even if by all reasonable analysis that’s just the end of the beginning of doing it.
“The Tories and associated little Englanders should be rightfully proud of their achievement. After next Friday a lot of well born, emotionally stunted, heads full of exceptionalism toffs are going to feel mightily at ease.”
Not just toffs! Racists will too! For a moment. Which is nice.
“Can you imagine the pain of being born into the born to rule set, knowing that the plebs are getting the same rights as you, incrementally, via EU membership and not dependent on personal wealth? That’s a serious angst. Worth, financial and intrinsic, is a question of birth, not supranational organisations who enfranchise people based purely on their basic humanity. Good Lord! Bloody frogs! Meddling in our Toffocracy! Well that’s done with now.”
But be reassured, the winning isn’t over.
“Legally exiting the EU is just the first big toy thrown out of the pram. Now we’ve got a frenzied few months re-negotiating our relationship with the largest free market on Earth. Our accents alone will make them quail. And if not we’ll throw all the toys out of the pram and we’ll try and smash theirs to bits purely out of immaturity, entitlement and spite. Then we’ll stamp our feet, jump up and down and threaten to hold our breath till we faint. We’re going to get the exact same benefits of being in the crèche as we do outside it. You’ll see.”
Johnson’s majority will definitely be sufficient to see him through all that. Not a chance in hell that by the time he’s finished capitulating, backtracking, deceiving and disappointing the zealous little monkeys he’s enabled to become PM in his party will be pulling his hair and biting his back.
We’re now a Toddlerocracy and like all spoiled brats we expect screaming will continually do away with consequence and we’ll end up with a pat on the back. And a chocolate and see someone else cop it for our poor behaviour.
Remember, Brexit, it’s not our fault. It’s the bigger boy what done it.