WILD OATS KNOW NOT WHERE THEY GO : BRITAIN is all set to get Brexit done with the start of negotiations over our future relationship with 500m people, comprising the largest trading bloc on Earth, due to start sometime this year.
We’re tearing up those treaties, binning those rights and getting ready to lay sea mines in our fishing waters. We mean business.
And to ensure the tyrannical, banana straightening, vacuum cleaner power reducing, protectionist trading EU knows they’re going to get it good the UK’s bonking Boris is taking personal charge of the negotiations.
“It’s just so he can spend more time in Brussels really,” a Downing Street ‘source’ told LCD Views, “oh, and because everyone he’s promoted to the cabinet is an idiot.”
But if Barnier thinks he’s going to have a hard time of it facing off against Boris, he’s right! You try getting anything reliable or sane out of the mad bouffant king of Blighty.
“Barnier will have moments to catch his breath though,” the source details, “as Boris is setting out a range of unbreakable red lines for how the negotiations will be conducted.”
- No details please, we’re British
- If Boris wants to bonk someone then he’ll bloody well go off and bonk someone – Barnier will have to twiddle his thumbs and deal with it.
- Negotiations will be adjourned the moment Boris Johnson gets bored of it.
The EU is expected to bow and scrape and take these serious conditions on board, before bending the knee. Because we’re British!
And once all that farting about is out of the way, and Boris is off making the beast with two backs with someone, the real Brexit negotiations will begin. Those being the EU, USA, China and Japan deciding who gets to own what of cut price Global Britain.
Brexit, it’s bonkers.