European Parliament has an enema

DON’T SHINE ON YOU CRAZY CUBIC ZIRCONA : “However will we cope?” is reportedly the most commonly asked question in the European Parliament now that Nigel Farage and his band of plastic patriot, brain dead zombies, I mean, MEPs, have left the building for the last time.

At least that’s how the Tory press will report the end of British representation at one of the world’s foremost economic superpowers and its decision making bodies.

But our source at the EP is telling a different story as Auld Lang Syne fades in the chamber and the flag waving Little Englanders march out to celebrate Nigel Farage’s Euro currency pension.

“The EP officials are offering emergency counselling to help the remaining MEPs cope with the sudden loss of the Brexit MEPs,” our source reveals, “like immediate, emergency response.”

The quick reaction by authorities is believed to have been caused by a spate of broken ribs and swooning.

“One Belgian MEP from the town of Lumiere actually cracked a rib,” our source reports, “massive relief can take furious forms. Repressed irritation can become dangerous laugher. Some have lapsed into silence. They’re just enjoying the silence. But there’s concern it may become a vegetative state. Although I suspect they’re exaggerated. There’s many other things to get on with as the UK finally ends its empire.”

Yeah, they can feel relief now, but we’ll be back, once enough cotton onto the fact that a rainy island stuck on the outskirts of a union of 500m people is a pretty lonely island. Especially with Donald Trump calling the shots…

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