DON’T BLAME US YOU VOTED FOR US : DOWNING STREET is stopping at no lengths to meet the challenges the termination of the Article 50 notification period will bring.
“Have you seen the eye watering list of international treaties we’ll have to renegotiate upon leaving the European Union?” a DExEU junior minister asked LCD Views, while clearing out his desk, “seriously, have you seen it? I know it’s around here somewhere. At least now we’ll be doing it from the standpoint of 65m British lions, unhindered by the drag of half a billion bloody Europeans! Hey! Ha! The world won’t know what hit it. Grrr.”
But it’s not just the necessity of renegotiating pretty much our entire relationship with Planet Earth.
“No, there’s also the trade deals to do on Planet Zelta-D-9,” the minister chimed in, “at least I think that’s where the cheapest shoes are online? I can’t find my laptop. Have you seen it? I’ve got the solar system bookmarked.”
And to help all of us help them navigate this exciting new terrain of opportunities 10 Downing Street is to spend another £100m on a new public information campaign.
“You could have stopped us,” the minister noted, in a moment of blazing clarity, “but you were all either manipulated by the micro-targeted, mind control whiz bang trickery of Brexit pushers, or a Lexiter (excuse me while I’ll double over laughing on my hard right midriff) or too bloody apathetic, expecting common sense to return. Well, where’s common sense now? Hey? Seriously. I know I’ve lost it.”
The campaign itself will take a similar format to the “Get Ready For Brexit” one that cost tens of millions and carried absolutely no useful information at all. But this one will be aimed at helping people to understand what happens when the public, as well as the politicians, fail to keep up their side of the bargain which protects democracy under a representative parliament.
“Clearly the remoaners could see the issue,” the minister continued, “but as they officially ceased to exist as politically relevant on 23rd June 2016, we don’t have to worry about it. But this campaign will let everyone know that it’s their fault for re-electing proven charlatans and frauds to parliament. It’s not the fault of the charlatans and frauds. Obvs.”
What’s the new campaign called?
“Get Ready to Share the Blame!” the minister beamed, “it’s to help us make a success of Brexit. Well, whatever it is we’re doing after Brexit. Because apparently by late Friday night we’ve already got that done.”