BREAKING BRITAIN : TRADE TZAR LIZ TRUSS has her work cut out for her today in pursuit of her free trade deal with North Korea after her boss blundered across sacred ground for the North Korean leadership.
In a speech in Greenwich yesterday Mr Johnson made many bold and invigorating claims about the country’s future, but it was assertions made about his own glorious, personal history that are proving to be the issue, as the fall out from his word salad explosion settles.
“Clearly great leaders need a great story. That’s a given. And initially no one paid attention to Mr Johnson’s claims in the culinary field,” our political analyst reveals, “he’s a wise and mighty leader, why can’t he invent new types of food? Besides, the audience was too busy feeling their temperature rise and their blood get hot as Boris weaved his magic. Just imagine the undoubted future potential of an industrialised, trading nation with no trade arrangements with anyone whatsoever? The post Brexit landscape is lit up with potential all over.”
But all the deserved fawning over Mr Johnson’s oratory aside, there is fall out a day later after one of the UK’s best hopes for a rapid, post Brexit trade deal, North Korea, issued a sternly worded, hamburger flavoured rebuke. They’re not happy at all and they’re not letting it go.
“Apparently it could end up in court,” our analyst goes on, “the North Korean government has it listed as official history that the current leader’s father, the late Kim-jong Il, invented a dish called ‘double bread with meat’, otherwise known as the hamburger. For Mr Johnson to claim it was he himself that invented the ‘Gogigyeopbbang’ has really set the fox amongst the pigeons of international relations with a state Mr Johnson clearly admires. And one whose methods of governance he’s keen to emulate.”
But all is not lost for Ms Truss at least.
“She’s set a team to work breeding giant rabbits,” our analyst enthuses, “so regardless of what, if any, trading arrangements are in place when the transition out of the EU ends with the end of 2020. No one in Britain needs to worry about famine.”