TANGIBLE BENEFITS OF BREXIT : NEWLY ELECTED TORY MP for Brexit-on-Err, Toby Smythe-Willing-Crumpet-Holmes-Spruce, has hit out at the EU27 for their “clear and obvious meanness” and “lack of appreciation of what the UK has done for them”.
Speaking in a barely legible facsimile of pig Latin hybridised English, the Little England MP laid into what he sees as the apparent “embarrassment of Emperor Merkel” and her “sidekick in France”. At least that’s what Google translate says.
But it wasn’t just the usual suspects that the pro-Brexit member of parliament went after. Other nation states were also used to display his standard Brexiter grasp of history and modern tensions.
“The Spanish also should be put on notice” for what he perceives as a reluctance to acknowledge how clean Brits have kept the Rock since “the Hapsburg Empire abandoned it in the face of English military might”, claiming it “was in a barely habitable state consisting mostly of run down and neglected rice paddies on hill sides and empty tavernas by the sea”.
“Not to mention the recent boost to the financial districts of Frankfurt and its sister city Dublinfurt thanks to the expansion of the sectors there made possible by the obvious commercial incentives [of Brexit].”
But the red faced MP, bulging abdomen visible through a burst button on his powder pink office shirt, has a way for the EU27 to show their due appreciation.
“They can put it in the declaration when they concede to Mr Johnson’s demands for tariff free access to the German car market and French Prosecco sector,” the MP said, “a simple statement acknowledging what Brexit, and specifically English nationalists, have done to quell similar separatist movements within the EU27 would suffice. Junker should thank Boris personally.”
And people say Brexiters are crazy.