OPERATOR HOW MAY I CONNECT YOUR CALL : THE UNITED KINGDOM has got Brexit done, apparently, without even getting it done and while still in the EU, virtue of the transition.
All that is needed now is for government, tasked with the important mission to protect the citizens of the country, deciding to do the opposite, end frictionless trade with the European Union countries, and throw millions of lives into hardship and turmoil. Just like that. As easy as having your head turned by a combination of Russian and US billionaire cash, and the associated neoliberal and libertarian ideologies.
“The country is ready,” a Michael Gove, as real as any other Gove you’ll see on your screens or in print, told LCD Views, “ready to lose frictionless trade with the EU. We’ve arrived at this readiness by installing extra lines for the emergency services. They’ll be ready to use by the 1st of January 2021. Or later, if we extend the transition. But they’ll definitely be ready and so will we.”
But why the need for extra lines to 999 if the country is ready?
“You saw what happened when KFC ran out of chicken a while back?”
Yes. People actually phoned the police like it was an emergency.
“And it will be an emergency. KFC may be one of the few outlets still serving, and I use this word advisedly, fresh food after we finish getting Brexit done. Any disruption in the supply of chicken parts will cause widespread panic. Motor parts are a lesser priority.”
Surely then you should be focused on ensuring the supply of chicken to KFC is robust, rather than mucking about negotiating with the EU?
“Well, it is hoped that simply by sacrificing our farming sector on the altar of big US corporate farm culture we can be certain there will be enough, and I use this word advisedly, chicken for everyone, even the vegetarians. They will have little choice but to consume meat after Brexit, as most of our fresh fruit and veg is grown by the Dutch. And what’s even better is that you will be confident the chicken that you will be eating, will have an extra secret herb and spice, after Brexit.”
“The very same. So clean you could swim in the frying vats and lounge in the ovens after cooking it. Which, funnily enough, will be a lot like it feels to have done Brexit.”