RHYTHM METHOD GOVERNMENT : DOWNING STREET has responded to the anticipated leftie, snowflake whinge festival over its plan to end the inflow of fit, educated, ambitious and driven young workers to the UK by saying it has plans in place to replace the missing workers with home bred Brits.
“The problem is actually our own fault,” a 10 Downing Street source, Mr Incel, told LCD Views, “for too long the country has slowed down the breeding of superior individuals by ready access to effective means of contraception. Of course, when you dig down into this matter, it’s the fault of British women in particular and their selfish decision not to spend their entire adult life pregnant. I once read a book by someone on the subject and misunderstood it.”
The initiative, which is expected to be called “Breeders for Britons”, will come with an alluring range of incentives to ensure that British women are happy “going bonkers”.
“Every British baby born to a British mother who only speaks English will be labelled with a British made Union Jack sticker,” the source went on, “it’s a special touch that I’m quite proud to confess I dreamed up myself. Imagine the pride of the family as it affixes the sticker of pride to the eleventh infant to be born in a decade?”
But critics of the scheme have noted that there are no plans to introduce sibling legislation that would outlaw women working outside of the home.
“Give us time. This is a far right project. We’ll get there.”
Other whiners have added that even if British women respond to the call, avoid criminalisation, and get on their backs (the only acceptable, legislated position in Brexitannia), the resulting baby boom will take too long to mature. The babies will not be ready to replace the lost workers for decades.
“Nonsense,” the source shrugged, “child labour is coming back into favour. Anyway, there’s also older British workers just sitting about. It really is time business weaned itself off cheap migrant Labour and onto starving English pensioners. By the time that supply has naturally exhausted itself the British boomers will be ready.”