All questions about Brexit can now be answered with “Yeah, but blue passports”

Brexit, like 42, is the answer to a question that can never be formulated, let alone asked. But questions can still be asked about it. The old default response, Yeah, but Corbyn, has been consigned to history. Much like Corbyn himself.

These questions still need an answer, though. Cunning Cummingses and brainy bots have been racking their brains for a suitable riposte.

“What we need,” as LCD Views imagined Dominic Cummings to have mused, “is a statement that will answer any Brexity question, however complicated. Like… Yeah, but… blue passports… Yes! I don’t think that there is a single Brexit-related question that it can’t answer. ‘What about the trade deal?’ ‘Yeah, but blue passports’. ‘Won’t Brexit irrevocably weaken our position in Europe, and indeed the world?’ ‘Yeah, but blue passports.’ I think I’ve got it!”

Programming the bots was a simple enough job, but the real fly in the ointment was Boris Johnson. Again, we picture Dom, now standing in front of Johnson. In his hand, a board with the phrases “Yeah, but blue passports” and “Yes” written in large letters.

“Now, Boris, read the words…”

“Drink! Girls! Feck!”

You know how it goes. Now you know why there has been no sign of Johnson for some time – he’s been learning his line.

In the unlikely event that Johnson attends Prime Minister’s Questions and a question about Brexit is raised, he will have an answer to hand. And online, anybody with the temerity to ask awkward factual questions will be bombarded with “Yeah, but we got are blue passports back innit and that’s what matters to me!” until they shut the feck up.

In the end it all comes down to your particular political religion. Which matters more? Freedom and sovereignty and kicking out all the foreigners, but being closed off and insular? Or belonging to a large bloc that operates on a global scale but requires some surrender of sovereignty in return?

Individual freedom or stronger together? Brexit or EU? That would be an ecumenical question.

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