Environment Secretary says maximum chicken component will be set on imports of edible chlorine from USA

JUST EAT IT : “BRITONS NEVER, NEVER, NEVER SHALL BE AFRAID of any element on the periodic table, especially not chlorine, and shall show a stout and ready face to whatever qualifies as food from 2021. You put it in front of us and we will eat it. And not because we don’t have any other choice,” so said Environment Secretary, Georgian Cant MP, aiming to show just how fearless Britons will need to be.

The display of proper British bravado occurred during a press conference in a barn earlier today and definitely involved the eating of some chicken.

Well, not exactly chicken. But whatever it was, Gregorian Cant claimed it was food and it had an aftertaste of poultry. He then went on to enthuse further over the future of British food.

“Under strict new guidelines, to be drawn up in consultation with our friends in big Agriculture in the United States, all food products claiming to be chicken will have a maximum chicken component stipulated by law, before any trade deal is agreed, post the transition period that begins Brexit. Farmers in the UK need not fear, for we will organise buses for them to sign on.”

He then ate whatever it was, after donning a face mask, gloves and protective clothing as standard for handling high concentrations of chlorine.

“This Britons,” he panted, face reddening, what looked like bleeding occurring from his gums, “this is the taste of sovereignty!”

He is expected to make a full recovery and denies rumours of an instant conversion to veganism.

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